Page 22 - The Alchemists Way
P. 22

my story

puf. It was a huge turning point and one of the most beautiful things I’ve 

ever done for myself. Smoking had not only been destroying me physically, 

but it had also been a crutch which I had used to mask my fears and anxie- 

ties. As my commitment to my emotional growth and spiritual journey 

deepened, there was no chance I would ever return to smoking. I wanted to 

develop self-mastery by exploring my body, mind and emotions; not to con- 

ceal them.

I returned to South Africa. I still had considerable savings from selling 

my clothing business, but my fear of not having enough, my desire to be safe 

later on, drove me to make more money. So I launched a new business.

At the same time, I launched myself into self-growth through therapy, 

books and groups. Part of this exploration—and the intensity with which I 

pursued it—was driven by my back pain. he pain had started as a niggling 

sensation between my shoulder blades, one that never went away but rather 

progressively worsened. I tried practicing yoga, but that only made it worse. 

he back pain eventually became debilitating. I would get up and need to 

lie down again within a couple of hours. With a sense of irony, I remembered 

how, years before, when my ex-ianć had told me that she had a sore back, 

I hadn’t been able to understand; I had wondered what it might feel like.

In the search to cure my back pain I went for sessions in chiropractics, 

osteopathy, Hololographic Breathwork, kinesiology, Roling and Postural 

Integration. I approached this work—as well as the other spiritual and emo- 

tional work I was doing—with a tremendous focus and commitment to heal, 

transform, attain self-mastery and even enlightenment. I was determined to 

achieve a state of relief from all sufering. I changed my diet and, for a few 

years, became vegan. Every weekend I was in a group or workshop. Each day 

I did something, in addition to my regular meditation practice, to further 

my wellbeing, be it a session or reading. Looking back, however, I realise that 

my intensity and discipline was driven by fear. Change had to be now. Only 

later did I learn patience and an understanding that it takes time and trust 

for our journeys to unfold. Eventually, I was to learn to be more relaxed and 

enjoy the process.

hroughout the time of my second business venture, much of my energy 

went into my personal and spiritual growth. Existence relected my ener-


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