Page 20 - The Alchemists Way
P. 20

my story

but I had no intention of marrying her. My irst girlfriend, when I was sixteen, 

cheated on me. Since then I have had a deep-seated fear of girlfriends cheat- 

ing on me. So, of course, according to the Law of Attraction—which we shall 

explore further in this book—I attracted girlfriend after girlfriend who was 

likely to cheat on me. My ianć had a promiscuous past and lied a lot. When 

our relationship deteriorated we went to a couples’ counsellor. I quickly 

realised that I wanted to end the relationship, but my fear of abandonment 

was too strong. So I worked with the counsellor individually. his was my 

irst experience of introspection, but I was still so detached from my emotions 

that I could barely explore them, even at an intellectual level.

Finally, after catching my ianć in a lie, I broke of our engagement and 

ended our relationship. I felt sad and depressed. hroughout the turmoil of 

ending our relationship I had not been keeping a good eye on my business, 

and some months later I realised that my business partner was stealing from 

me. He was funnelling our merchandise into stores he had opened with his 

brothers, where he would sell it.

I was physically strong, having built up my physique as a teenager to 

compensate for my fear of conlict. I could bench-press a hundred kilograms. 

Nevertheless, when I went to confront my business partner in one of his 

stores, I had ten bouncers, or bodyguards, with me. As we stood there wait- 

ing for my partner to arrive, inside I was trembling with fear. he bouncer- 

in-charge pulled me aside and ofered to kill my business partner for a sum 

that would have been easily afordable to me. I declined his proposal, and 

went ahead and dissolved my business partnership. However, my desire for 

vengeance was so great that I fantasised about my business partner’s death, 

and for a few days I had nightmares.

I perceived a change happening in the clothing industry, and with the 

South African rand depreciating heavily, all signs pointed towards selling the 

business, but out of fear of change I clung onto it a while longer. Around 

this time I started to meditate with the heosophical Society. I had become 

interested in meditation several years before, but had consciously decided to 

put it aside and devote myself to making money. Now, I was able to establish 

a daily meditation practice, but because my nervous system was hyper- 

aroused, sitting in silence was hugely uncomfortable for me. In silence, there


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